October 5, 2013. The day I became his wife was the greatest day of my life. It was a day I waited so long for <3 Seems like so long ago that photo was taken. But just shy of three years later, here we are!
Being married and having the freedom to do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted, was the best. Vacations, going out to dinner, date nights, Cedar Point trips, whatever! I think the greatest part of being married + no kids yet, was staying up late with each other. Even though we both worked most next mornings, we could come home + nap if and when we wanted.
Fast forward to almost 3 years later + along comes baby! Whoa buddy, did life do a 180! Don't get me wrong, having Asher in our lives has changed and strengthened me as a woman that I am forever grateful for. But I would definitely be lying if I didn't say that I miss the freedom and ability to be selfish. These days, going to the grocery store or eye doctor, baby free is a treat! :) You read the funny memes online, you see other moms' statuses, and a few of your mom friends who had kids before you, may even tell you but listen to me when I say: YOU WON'T GET IT TILL IT HAPPENS! Haha! Prior to Asher actually arriving, I thought, "Well yea of course your life changes but I got this". I DIDN'T HAVE IT! It's taken almost 3 months (and I'm no where near having it together) to establish a routine, reach out for help, and emotionally accept my new role in life.
So how has our marriage changed? Well first off, between looking at my birth photos + seeing my husband by my side in every. single. one and then seeing him interact with Asher, I love him FAR deeper than I ever have before. We will be celebrating 9 years together next month + I can't think of a moment in time where I have loved him more. BUT! There are some not-so-glmaorous moments of having a baby in your marriage brings. Being a mom, and a stay at home mom at that, tends to bring a lot of jealousy. I never thought I would be jealous of my husband getting to go to work, but I am. I would absolutely LOVE to get dressed up, head into a job, interact + have adult conversations. My days are filled with every bodily fluid imaginable that are NOT my own. I wear leggings + athletic shorts with old t shirts most days. Unless I leave the house, my outfits mimic thrift store finds. And even on really tough days, I still go out in public in such attire :)
With that being said, there are many days where my husband comes home and I am in the same ratty outfit that he left me in at 7:30 that morning. My hair hasn't even been brushed, and don't even ask if a shower happened. As a man, seeing your wife in this manner many days a week, has to be a bit of a-- turn off? I don't know. Maybe it's not. But I feel if the roles were reversed, I'd be like "Dude, ya gotta do something about this". But, my darling husband knows better than to even LOOK at me with those thoughts. So instead he walks in, hugs + kisses me and asks how my day was.
Another thing that changes is intimacy. Yes, intimacy. And I'm not only talking about sex here. Even just time, alone, laying in bed cuddling is a thing of the past. We legit would need a babysitter for that to happen. By the time I get the baby down, cook + clean up dinner, take a shower (MAYBE), I am beyond exhausted and the last thing I want to do is lay in bed AWAKE. Once my head hits that pillow, it's lights out for this mama.
SO take my advice, make time for it. Have grandma take baby for the evening. Even if it's just for 2 hours to go grab some dinner, just the two of you. It's SO important for your relationship and for you. It may be the only time that week that you get to have an uninterrupted adult conversation. It may be the only time that week you can truly listen to the words coming out of your husband's mouth. And more importantly, it makes going home to your baby that much better. Missing your baby is so, so good for the soul. It TRULY makes you a better caregiver.